ACCA Qualified Chartered Accountant, Kendal

Looking for an ACCA qualified chartered accountant in the Kendal area to manage your business tax returns, book-keeping and / or payroll?

Mobile Accountant

With offices in Kendal, I offer mobile accounting services throughout South Cumbria and North Lancashire.

To allow you to get on with the day job, I come you to give advice, work through and collect paperwork.

Ideal if you have a rural business or where it is difficult to leave your premises unattended.

Services

My services include book-keeping, VAT returns and advice, payroll, tax advice (including self-assessments), management accounts, financial statements and assistance with company formations.

Take a look at the mobile accountant page on my website for more details.

I look forward to meeting you!

Songs With The Word "Number" In The Title

Okay, I'm an accountant so it stands to reason that I'm interested in numbers. Plus, I like to listen to a good tune every now and then.

So I thought why not finish this month off combining the two?

Number Songs

No, this isn't an accountancy shanty, but rather a list of songs which have the word "number" somewhere in their title.

Here goes:

• 5446 Thats My Number - Sublime
• Age Ain't Nothing But A Number - Aaliyah
• Change my Number - Sophia Fresh
• Chelsea Hotel Number 2 - Leonard Cohen
• Cruel Little Number - Jeff Healey Band
• Don't Lose My Number - Phil Collins
• Foals - My Number
• Heartaches by the Number - Guy Mitchell
• I Got Your Number - Boz Scaggs
• I'm A Number - Robert Ramirez
• Lonesome Number One - Roy Orbison
• My Number 1 - Dr Victor and the Rasta Rebels
• No Face No Name No Number - Modern Talking
• Nothing But A Number - Pretty Ricky
• Number 1 - Nelly
• Number 1 - Tinchy Stryder
• Number 1 Dime - The Ranger
• Number 37405 - Tim McGraw
• Number One - Alexia
• Number One - Diamond Platnumz
• Number One - Jamie Foxx
• Number One - Marillion
• Number One - Pharrell Williams (Feat. Kanye West)
• Number One - R. Kelly
• Number One - The Rutles
• Number One Enemy - Daisy Dares You
• Number One Spot - Ludacris
• Number The Brave - Wishbone Ash
• Number Three - Ben Harper
• Number Five With A Bullet - Taking Back Sunday
• Numbers - Jason Michael Carroll / Soft Cell
• Old Number Seven - The Devil Makes Three
• One is the Loneliest Number - Three Dog Night
• Revolution Number 9 - The Beatles
• Say I'm Your Number One - Beverley Knight
• The Number of the Beast - Iron Maiden
• The Number One - Atmosphere
• The Number One Song In Heaven - Sparks
• Three Is The Magic Number - Bob Dorough
• What's Your Number - Jedward
• You Are My Number One - Enrique Iglesias & Alsou
• You Know My Name (Look Up the Number) - The Beatles
• You're My Number One - S Club 7

And I guess you could get away with:

• Blue Yodel No. 1 (2,3,4...12) - Jimmie Rodgers
• Mambo No. 5 - Lou Bega
• No.1 Against The Rush - Liars
• No.13 Baby - The Pixies
• Public Enemy No. 1 - Megadeth

 

Comprehensive?

Wondering if the list is comprehensive? Probably not, but it's not a bad start. If you know of any I've missed, why not stick them in the comments?

And I have to confess there are quuite a few in there I've never heard of. The word number certainly seems to be popular with rappers!

My Favourite

Well, I don't care for the aforementioned hip-hop music myself.

My favourite would probably be something like Phil Collins, but let's go even further back and finish off the post with a bit of Guy Mitchell:

Enjoy!

Mobile Accountant, Kendal

After waiting what seems an age for a phone line to be installed, I'm finally in my new and shiny office in Kendal.

My new address is:

Fiona Wills Accounting Services Ltd
Warton Suite
Clawthorpe Hall Business Centre
Burton-in-Kendal
Carnforth
Lancashire
LA6 1NU

Tel: 01524 784 351

 
I'll be available for visits, but please telephone first to make sure I'm available.

Mobile Accountant

Don't worry though, I'm still a mobile accountant and will continue to travel around Cumbria and Lancashire, serving clients at their place of business, whether urban or rural.

Ticklingly Bad Tax Advice

Watching a progam last night with Ken Dodd in it, I was reminded of his famous tax evasion case in the 80s (yes, I'm that old!) and I couldn't remember whether or not he was found guilty and / or went to prison.

Over to Google...

And a quick search reveals that he was acquitted after a trial lasting three weeks.

He was charged with tax evasion in 1989 and during the subsequent trial a number of revelations came to light, most notably that he had several hundred thousand pounds stashed in suitcases in his attic

I'm not sure who his accountant was, but he clearly wasn't getting very good tax advice.

Great Comedy Material

Although it is less popular now in the light of scandals involving banker's bonuses and off shore tax scams, Ken turned the experience into a set part of his comedy routine, often opening with the line, "Good evening, my name is Kenneth Arthur Dodd; singer, photographic playboy and failed accountant!".

Born in 1927 and still touring, he is a testament to a bygone age of family entertainment and humour for its own sake, but hopefully now with slightly better tax affairs.

Ticklingly Good Tax Advice

So, if you're looking for good tax advice and you live in the Lancashire or Cumbria area, why not give Fiona Wills a call?

And if you happen to have several hundred thousand pounds in cash lying around in your loft, perhaps you also ought to consider a financial adviser.

VAT, a European Invention

Europe has given us many things over the years; the metric system, Cornish pasty naming restrictions and more recently ash dieback, but did you know that VAT also originates from the Continent?

Value Added Tax

It was first envisioned in the 18th Century by a German economist looking for a sales tax on goods that did not affect the cost of manufacture or distribution.

Quite some time after it was devised, the system was adopted by France in 1954. A few years later, when the Common Market (now the European Union) was formed, it was decided that the imposition of a form of VAT would be a requirement for joining.

Hence, when the UK joined the EEC in 1973, we replaced our existing Sales Tax with VAT.

Dreaded VAT Returns

Many companies have an understandable love / hate relationship with VAT, but despite the dread of regular VAT returns, being VAT registered can bring many benefits and a good accountant is invaluable in realising those benefits.

If your business is close to the threshold, give me a call to discuss VAT registration.

More Information

If I've whet your appetite for VAT facts, try the following resource:

• en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Value_added_tax

Happy (and Prosperous) New Year!

As talk of America's fiscal cliff dies down and our own home grown green shoots of recovery head skywards, I'd like to wish all my customers a very...

Happy New Year!

I hope 2013 is a prosperous one - with perhaps a little less rain than last year!

New Year's Resolutions

Refreshed from a few days off and a bit of quality family time, the new year brings a renewed vigour and sense of determination to get things done.

I can't help you with the smoking, healthy eating or exercise, but I if your resolution is to be incorporated this year, I can help with company formations.

Or if the 2012/13 tax year has already been very kind to you so far and you're resolved to keep some of the money, perhaps I could assist with some tax advice?

All the best,
Fiona

Beware the Tax Collector's Dog!

Whilst looking for accountants jokes to post on my blog earlier today, I came across the following:

What's the difference between a Doberman and a Tax Inspector?
A Doberman will eventually let go!

A funny enough joke in itself and I was pleased that I'd found one that was at the expense of the tax man rather than myself, but more interesting was the anecdote attached to it.

Did you know...

According to various websites I discovered, the Doberman dog breed was created by a tax collector!

Sources suggest Herr Karl Friedrich Louis Dobermann (1834-1891) had a number of professions including dogcatcher, night watchman and tax collector, the latter two of which involved some risk to life and limb.

With ready access to a supply of dogs, he set about breeding a watchful, sharp, brave and intelligent dog to accompany him on his rounds.

His aim was to create a guard dog with a strong mouth, good nose, courage, hardness and a highly developed protective instinct. The result was the Doberman Pinscher.

Want to know more?

A quick search on Google pulled up the following websites that appear to corroborate the story to some degree or another:

• en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Doberman_Pinscher
• judgesl.com/doberman/history.html

So, if the thought of the tax man knocking on your door makes you nervous, give Fiona Wills a call. I'm good with dogs!